Monthly Archives: October 2014

Self regulation, empathy, and autobiographical listening in the tarot

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Today I’d like to delve more into the Emotional Intelligence concept of Empathy. I see this concept vividly in the tarot.

First I’ll add a brief recap of Daniel Goleman’s second cluster of emotional intelligence: self-management or self-regulation. Using the first emotional intelligence cluster,  self-awareness, one decides to change.

In my September 6, 2014 post I included examples such as The Magician and several minor arcana cards: The V of Cups, The VI of Swords and The VII of Pentacles. These cards all illustrate choice – whether difficult or pleasant.

So now that I’ve decided to make a choice, what can I do to make the most of it? Empathy might be a good place to start.

Empathy and Autobiographical Listening

The concept of Empathy involves getting into the other person’s perspective. This isn’t as easy as it sounds.

Many of us attempt to do this through what Stephen Covey calls “Autobiographical Listening.” I love that term. It’s inserting our own experiences into someone else’s. We often do this when commiserating with a friend. It can be quite appropriate at certain times.

It can also be vastly inappropriate when we insert our own experiences too soon. This shifts the focus to “me” before I have fully heard and understood the other person.

Strength

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I see the major arcana Strength card as prominent here, along with The Lovers and the minor arcana II of Cups. Each of these cards symbolizes getting into the other’s perspective in order to form a close relationship.

When these cards appear in your reading,  it might be a good idea to examine the depth of your relationships with others.

Tarot’s Connection to Emotional Intelligence

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Who are you, Really? Whooo? (Sorry, I couldn’t resist!)

Daniel Goleman and Emotional Intelligence

I’m a huge fan of Daniel Goleman’s work on emotional and social intelligence. I especially admire the 5 clusters of emotional intelligence that Goleman outlines in his book, Working with Emotional Intelligence. Those 5 clusters are not only sensible, but work in complete synchronicity with Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

It’s so exciting when you see concepts from different sources coincide with each other in meaning and practice. I’ll explore more about that correlation later. 

I addressed Daniel Goleman’s first cluster, Self Awareness, in a post back in September, 2014, involving of all cards, The Empress.  I’m sure there are several more cards that could support this concept, including The Hermit, and maybe even The Devil and The Moon.

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As a brief review:

  • Self-awareness is being aware of your emotions, what inspires you, drives you, holds you back, upsets you, pushes your emotional buttons and all kinds of “that.”
  • Self-awareness is looking at yourself through a mirror, seeing yourself as closely as possible to the way others see you.  By the way, this could be very scary and it takes some courage.  It’s also a life-long journey and one that we can be proud of.

I thought that the little owl mirror was perfect for this concept.   I hope you like it!

Please stay tuned for the next chapter in  my series on Tarot and Emotional-Intelligence” –  Self Regulation and Empathy.

 The VII of Wands in Quotes – Hoi Polloi Tarot 

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“You don’t make progress by standing on the sidelines whimpering and complaining.  You make progress by implementing ideas.”  Shirley Chisholm

“Without struggle there can be no progress.”  Frederick Douglass

“Honest disagreement is often a good sign of progress.”  Mahatma Gandhi

“Get ‘er done” “Just do it” “Do it now” “First things first”

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The VII of Wands can be a card of day-to-day prevention. This card could be a reminder to take action before something becomes a bigger issue.

Wands are about action, progress, energy and decisions. Wands fit perfectly into my theory of Practical Action through Visual Approach:  What does this picture say that can inspire my action?

It looks to me as if the person in the picture is working so hard to keep his position safe or to finish his “wands” project, that he forgot to match his shoes.  He looks as if he’s on top of some kind of precipice, with the elevation drop shown in the bottom left of the picture.  He may feel as if he’s in a precarious position right now.

I love thinking of this card when I am procrastinating about something that seems inconvenient or difficult now but will eventually make my life easier. Yes, it may be a struggle;  it may seem risky.  Do it now before the next card in the sequence,  the VIII of Wands, comes flying at you like a crap-storm!

I like the idea of looking at the cards surrounding the VII of Wands to get a clue of what the action might be about. To me, this could be a very positive card because it can help us  progress through something – even a difficult conversation.

When this card comes up, I say, Keep at it.  Don’t give up.  You’re stronger than you think.  You will be ok.  Address this now before you are caught in the thick of it. Even if it’s not resolved now, you’ll be ready for what’s coming.

“Love Conquers All”

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Strength

 

“Love Conquers All”

This saying is dressed up, down, and twisted around in various ways in traditional folk wisdom and in popular self-help material. Two very popular rules are the Golden Rule, and the more current Platinum Rule:

The Golden Rule: “Treat others as you would like to be treated”

The Platinum Rule: “Treat others as they would like to be treated.”

There is also  what I call The Acceptance Rule:

“Accept others as they are” (not as you are, or how you want them to be).  This rule is much more difficult than it appears.

The tarot addresses this very directly in the Strength card.  This card can become more fascinating as you delve into its details.

 

“Strength”

Card Number VIII or Card Number XI, depending on the deck.

A beautiful woman with flowers in her hair is petting a lion, almost hugging it. A lemniscate or infinity symbol floats above the woman’s head, signifying balance and/or eternity. The lion seems to relish the experience. He is in a position of submission with his tail between his legs.

If we could be with him, we might hear him purring or making happy little noises. The woman has tamed the wild beast with love and acceptance.

Please notice that the woman is wearing a white dress (purity, innocence)  trimmed with red flowers.  They stand in a lush green area, with beautiful blue mountains in the distance, under a bright yellow sky.  Lots of possibilities in the background and the future under a sunny, happy sky.

Using love and acceptance requires immense strength:  the strength to keep your mouth shut, the strength to stop thinking about yourself, the strength to immerse yourself in someone else’s frame of reference.  Just keeping the mouth shut can require a huge amount of strength and self-discipline.

When you pull this card, the message might be:

Tame the beast within you in order to tame the beast near you. Your kindness and love will conquer many situations.  It can open new horizons and relationships for you.